Crazy Motherfuckers

 

Some crazy fucking shit is going on in my apartment building. Normally I don't write about this stuff but lately it has been - how do I say it - "Off the fucking hook!". Two weeks ago I was going into my apartment and all of a sudden I felt someone push or press behind me. I turn around and this strange dude with a baseball cap is trying to get in to my fuckin' apartment! I turn around and push the dude out. "Whoah! Dude! This ain't your apartment! Get out! Move!". I am shocked... and so is this guy. White, stocky, baseball cap, dark jacket. He looked confused... almost like a retarded confused but had a normal face. My building is full of people from the nut house...but that's another story. Maybe it was a schizophrenic? He asks me "This isn't 204?" or was it "304?" I can't remember. "No. This is the first floor. You all right?" I ask him. "Yes...." and then he walks away.

Flash forward to this morning... 5:30 in the morning to be exact. My wife is staying up stairs taking care of an elderly man in her parents apartment. I get a frantic phone call from her... she is yelling... "Some guy is beating on the door and demanding to be let in!" she yells frantically. I scramble to get my pants on.... she grabs a butcher knife and I head up the stairs with no socks and shirt.... keys and cell phone in hand. I open the door to the hallway and..... nobody is there. The guy took off somewhere. I call the police. As the dispatcher asks me what the person looks like.... I look for my wife. She has taken off down the hallway with a butcher knife looking for the guy!

Fortunately she does not find him and the police come down. Apparently this has happened before. Whether or not this was a guy strung out on drugs.... or a mental guy... or some schizo.... who knows? Maybe it's time I turn into Max Payne and get a glock? I think I'll settle for a baseball bat.

Fuck it.