The Porsche Cayman S Test Drive
Vacations go by too fast. Before I knew it, my vacation was over. It's sad to leave family and friends behind, but I know I'll be back again. I had a blast. This year my friend Dave and I hit Regent Avenue where all the car dealers are. I was really disappointed by the lack of good vehicles there. Sure they had all the regular vehicles, but nothing spectacular. I even made a special trip to Nott Autogroup on Lagimodiere Boulevard (highway 59). They are the same dealer that advertise having a Nissan GT-R, Dodge Challenger SRT-8, and a bunch of other very highly desirable cars.
Guess what? I get to the fucking lot and they had NOTHING but shitty Toyota minivans and a few old crappy BMW's. They didn't even have the 600 bhp Subaru Impreza WRX STi. Instead they had this piece of shit WRX boosted to 400 bhp from like 1994. Big deal. So I asked to talk to the manager. He told me all the cars are stored in off-site locked garages. Winnipeg is notoriously bad for auto theft. I told him I was an auto enthusiast just looking to take pictures of the cars. "We never had anyone visit us like that before". Jesus. I walked away and got a Slurpee from Seven Eleven as a consolation prize.
But amazement and joy would come the very next day as Dave and I went back down Regent avenue and visited the local Mitsubishi dealership. Displayed proudly out front was this drop dead gorgeous Porsche Cayman S (2006). I couldn't believe my eyes. Last year I made a bet with Dave that I could test drive a 96,000 dollar Mercedes SUV. (I won that bet). This time I had to try again. "I'm going to test drive this car Dave" I declared. "No way" was his reply. "Let's wager a slurpee from Seven Eleven then" I said dead seriously.
I stood outside the Mitsubishi dealership admiring the Porsche. I had driven in my mom's 1990 Dodge Spirit and hidden the car near the front of the dealership so nobody could see my entrance. First impressions are extremely important when posing as a buyer and trying to test drive these elite cars. Dave was dressed in sweat pants and a shitty shirt. I asked him to wander the lot, and he did. I was wearing jeans, a clean golf shirt, and a nice haircut. Within 2 minutes of gazing at the Porsche a salesman by the name of Medhi came RUNNING out of the dealership to meet me.
"So you are interested in the Porsche, eh?" he asks me inquisitively. I knew the game. I greeted him friendly and told him a bald faced lie. "Absolutely. I love this car. What is the price?" I asked - cut to the chase. Immediately he looked at me and asked "Let's go inside and talk numbers, ok?". "Sounds good to me" I answered back. I looked around and Dave was deep into the lot gazing into a Lincoln Navigator SUV. Medhi told me the car was listed at 65,000 but they were willing to sell it for 55,000 dollars. I casually mentioned I was in Boston last week and saw a Cayman S listed at 49,995 dollars US. Medhi told me that it would cost a bit of money to bring a car like that over. He was right. I asked for the Carfax report. Medhi brought it within minutes and I flipped through it.
The car only had 12,500 miles on it! Shocked, I looked through the previous owner list. It had been registered four times and leased twice. Once for a year and then for a single month. I wondered what that was about. Medhi asked me if I wanted the car brought around for my inspection. I agreed. After he brought the car back I asked off handedly if I could test drive it.
At this point the conversation became serious because Medhi asked me how serious I was about buying this car. It was at this moment my soul went to hell. I lied. "I am pretty serious as this is a fantastic car. I am also considering a BMW M5 but this car caught my eye". A big lie. Would he believe me if I told him I drove a base Subaru? Probably not. Let it slide, I thought.
He said he had to go talk to his manager. After a few minutes he came back and asked if he could get a drivers license and a credit card. I agreed and he took them. I couldn't believe it. Of course, he accompanied me during the test drive. He came back and handed me the keys. I couldn't believe it. This is it. The moment of truth. This is fantastic. How often did I see this car on Top Gear and Fifth Gear, driven around by auto journalists on TV! This is fantastic! Orgasmic! Incredible! My heart was racing. I opened the door and got in. The car was pretty cramped and getting in was a bit hard for me. The Cayman sits low to the ground and the seats really hug you. No matter.
Nervously, I put the key into the LEFT side of the steering wheel. This is confusing. I press the TINY clutch pedal and put the car in neutral. I turn the key. This is it. Nothing happens. I try again. Dead. I fumble with the clutch and put on the seat belt, thinking I fucked it up somehow. Is this bad karma? Medhi offered to start the car. I was embarassed. Is this a trick? Did the Germans do this ? I climb out of the car and Medhi gets in. It immediately starts for him. If I had adult diapers on I would have soiled them. This is bad. He gets out and I climb in. Oh, the fuel lamp is on. "Don't worry about it" Medhi says. I believe him, there's a few gallons in it anyway. I immediately notice the gear change is different from my Subaru. Instead of reverse in the lower-right corner, it's located in the upper-left. How strange. I get paranoid in putting it in reverse and somehow mistake 3rd for 1st. We take off really slow. Medhi tells me I am in 3rd gear. I change to first and pull out slowly into the lot. As I make my way onto the road he guides me to a determined route.
At first, I drive the porsche cautiously. Somewhere in the back of my mind I see WreckedExotics.com and those Porsches I laughed at. I am determined not to drive like a jackass. I drive conservatively until we hit the main turn off. I floor it. The car launches so quick I manage to hit the speed limit in first gear. The car holds the redline and I shift to 2nd gear and ease off a bit. I don't want to get too crazy here. The turbo spools up and the car begins moving at a pace I haven't seen since I drove a WRX STi. The accelleration is incredible. The handling is like a razor blade. The ride is hard as hell. The radio - who needs it. I turn the A/C on and begin winding through to fourth gear. There is no need to go higher when in the city.
The test drive lasted only 15 minutes but it was glorious. I began thinking about my exit strategy. As I brought the car back into the lot I began to list off the car's imperfections compared to the M5. I asked to speak to Medhi's manager. When I met the man, I thanked him and praised Medhi for letting me test drive the car. I apologized for taking their time but I had decided on a family saloon (m5). Before this Medhi had asked if he could put a $1000 hold on my card and put the "Porsche in the garage" while I thought it over. I declined.
I walked out off the lot and quickly found the old Dodge. Dave and I got the hell out of there and he bought me the slurpee I so deserved!
And that, my friends, is how you test drive a Porsche!
Guess what? I get to the fucking lot and they had NOTHING but shitty Toyota minivans and a few old crappy BMW's. They didn't even have the 600 bhp Subaru Impreza WRX STi. Instead they had this piece of shit WRX boosted to 400 bhp from like 1994. Big deal. So I asked to talk to the manager. He told me all the cars are stored in off-site locked garages. Winnipeg is notoriously bad for auto theft. I told him I was an auto enthusiast just looking to take pictures of the cars. "We never had anyone visit us like that before". Jesus. I walked away and got a Slurpee from Seven Eleven as a consolation prize.
But amazement and joy would come the very next day as Dave and I went back down Regent avenue and visited the local Mitsubishi dealership. Displayed proudly out front was this drop dead gorgeous Porsche Cayman S (2006). I couldn't believe my eyes. Last year I made a bet with Dave that I could test drive a 96,000 dollar Mercedes SUV. (I won that bet). This time I had to try again. "I'm going to test drive this car Dave" I declared. "No way" was his reply. "Let's wager a slurpee from Seven Eleven then" I said dead seriously.
I stood outside the Mitsubishi dealership admiring the Porsche. I had driven in my mom's 1990 Dodge Spirit and hidden the car near the front of the dealership so nobody could see my entrance. First impressions are extremely important when posing as a buyer and trying to test drive these elite cars. Dave was dressed in sweat pants and a shitty shirt. I asked him to wander the lot, and he did. I was wearing jeans, a clean golf shirt, and a nice haircut. Within 2 minutes of gazing at the Porsche a salesman by the name of Medhi came RUNNING out of the dealership to meet me.
"So you are interested in the Porsche, eh?" he asks me inquisitively. I knew the game. I greeted him friendly and told him a bald faced lie. "Absolutely. I love this car. What is the price?" I asked - cut to the chase. Immediately he looked at me and asked "Let's go inside and talk numbers, ok?". "Sounds good to me" I answered back. I looked around and Dave was deep into the lot gazing into a Lincoln Navigator SUV. Medhi told me the car was listed at 65,000 but they were willing to sell it for 55,000 dollars. I casually mentioned I was in Boston last week and saw a Cayman S listed at 49,995 dollars US. Medhi told me that it would cost a bit of money to bring a car like that over. He was right. I asked for the Carfax report. Medhi brought it within minutes and I flipped through it.
The car only had 12,500 miles on it! Shocked, I looked through the previous owner list. It had been registered four times and leased twice. Once for a year and then for a single month. I wondered what that was about. Medhi asked me if I wanted the car brought around for my inspection. I agreed. After he brought the car back I asked off handedly if I could test drive it.
At this point the conversation became serious because Medhi asked me how serious I was about buying this car. It was at this moment my soul went to hell. I lied. "I am pretty serious as this is a fantastic car. I am also considering a BMW M5 but this car caught my eye". A big lie. Would he believe me if I told him I drove a base Subaru? Probably not. Let it slide, I thought.
He said he had to go talk to his manager. After a few minutes he came back and asked if he could get a drivers license and a credit card. I agreed and he took them. I couldn't believe it. Of course, he accompanied me during the test drive. He came back and handed me the keys. I couldn't believe it. This is it. The moment of truth. This is fantastic. How often did I see this car on Top Gear and Fifth Gear, driven around by auto journalists on TV! This is fantastic! Orgasmic! Incredible! My heart was racing. I opened the door and got in. The car was pretty cramped and getting in was a bit hard for me. The Cayman sits low to the ground and the seats really hug you. No matter.
Nervously, I put the key into the LEFT side of the steering wheel. This is confusing. I press the TINY clutch pedal and put the car in neutral. I turn the key. This is it. Nothing happens. I try again. Dead. I fumble with the clutch and put on the seat belt, thinking I fucked it up somehow. Is this bad karma? Medhi offered to start the car. I was embarassed. Is this a trick? Did the Germans do this ? I climb out of the car and Medhi gets in. It immediately starts for him. If I had adult diapers on I would have soiled them. This is bad. He gets out and I climb in. Oh, the fuel lamp is on. "Don't worry about it" Medhi says. I believe him, there's a few gallons in it anyway. I immediately notice the gear change is different from my Subaru. Instead of reverse in the lower-right corner, it's located in the upper-left. How strange. I get paranoid in putting it in reverse and somehow mistake 3rd for 1st. We take off really slow. Medhi tells me I am in 3rd gear. I change to first and pull out slowly into the lot. As I make my way onto the road he guides me to a determined route.
At first, I drive the porsche cautiously. Somewhere in the back of my mind I see WreckedExotics.com and those Porsches I laughed at. I am determined not to drive like a jackass. I drive conservatively until we hit the main turn off. I floor it. The car launches so quick I manage to hit the speed limit in first gear. The car holds the redline and I shift to 2nd gear and ease off a bit. I don't want to get too crazy here. The turbo spools up and the car begins moving at a pace I haven't seen since I drove a WRX STi. The accelleration is incredible. The handling is like a razor blade. The ride is hard as hell. The radio - who needs it. I turn the A/C on and begin winding through to fourth gear. There is no need to go higher when in the city.
The test drive lasted only 15 minutes but it was glorious. I began thinking about my exit strategy. As I brought the car back into the lot I began to list off the car's imperfections compared to the M5. I asked to speak to Medhi's manager. When I met the man, I thanked him and praised Medhi for letting me test drive the car. I apologized for taking their time but I had decided on a family saloon (m5). Before this Medhi had asked if he could put a $1000 hold on my card and put the "Porsche in the garage" while I thought it over. I declined.
I walked out off the lot and quickly found the old Dodge. Dave and I got the hell out of there and he bought me the slurpee I so deserved!
And that, my friends, is how you test drive a Porsche!
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