A Story About Drugs Part 2

 "Holy shit son!" The Captain winced, his eyes as tiny as Cher's asshole on her wedding night. "Now that is some FINE Columbian Cocaine!" the Captain licked the mirror clean. As he did this Jim winced and yelled "You fucking moron! That mirror is for our Ketamine!" This time, it was Jim who broadcast over the microphone. Suddenly, The Captain's eyes glazed over and he began to drool from his mouth. At that point, he put on his aviator sunglasses and took a couple of white pills with a chase of vodka. "Thank God for Xannies" he said with a slur. The Captain looked like he just came out of Celebrity Rehab.

By some miracle  of God, they manage to take off and achieve their cruising flight of 80,000 feet. I know, it's a ridiculous number, but its' true. Somehow this huge 747-400 managed to climb even higher than an SR-71 spy plane. And yet, here we are.

To further compound things, The Captain ordered an after-market wing. It never fit right and the airline refused to allow him to stencil a gigantic penis on the top of it.

I mean, if the Space Shuttle pulled it off, why couldn't The Captain? According to Amazon Prime, he should get this 8 million dollar wing in about 31 business days. 

"Put her in auto and lets go see what's in the galley son!" The Captain sprayed on some aftershave and tried to wipe yesterday's puke off his shirt. He wasn't sure if he was still drunk from the night before, or stoned, or both.

Of course, both men were perfect actors, appearing quite sober in front of the passengers. With exception, when talking to each other, they dropped the guise.

He spotted a beautiful blonde woman in aisle 13C, and tried to covertly head over there before Jim could spot her. "Not so fast you old cock!" Jim whispered, sprinting past him and almost landing in the lady's lap.

"Darling, would you like to see the co-pilot's chair?" he asked with a smile.

The Captain turned around and spotted a passenger snorting an unknown substance in the first row. As he headed to the passenger to confront him, Jim yelled out "She's 28 you old bastard!".

He popped a 2 bar Xanax and stole a glass of wine from the Stewardess passing by. "Fuck you Sir!" she yelled angrily, hitting him in the head with a towel. The Captain ducked and headed back to the cockpit.

He felt into his pocket and found a small Amyl Nitrite capsule and cracked it open. 

[To be continued]