I Defended Her

 

About 11 years ago, I was going into the building where Theresa and I lived, and she was uneasy. "I have to tell you something" she said quietly. A look of fear came over her face. "That asshole Joey at the building tried to kiss me in the elevator". I got extremely angry and wanted to kill him immediately. 

I remember this sanctimonious asshole, thought he was king shit and decided to move on to my wife? I fumed for hours and came up with a plan. Instead of confronting this asshole, I decided to wait - patiently. 

In truth, I had to wait almost a week before I caught this motherfucker. And how I did that was so juicy I have to describe what happened. First, I needed to determine his routine and where he went. Because he was so secretive, often staying home and watching child pornography. 

And that glorious day came on  Friday, he was out front, cleaning the main entrance windows. Oh, I remember this moment so well. I parked the Subaru Impreza and came up to the front door, he looked at me and I launched into him.

I pushed him into the glass window so hard it banged loudly. I pushed with all my might and began to strangle him on the neck. I began to lift him up, and shout loudly. "If I ever catch you near Theresa or Marion, I will absolutely kill your motherfucking ass."

He shrieked loudly and tried to flail but I had him under total control. "Just try me motherfucker, and see what happens.". He apologized and I let him down.

The next day, I was at Marion's place across the hall, and she said "You should have seen Theresa and I in the hallway, he took one look at us and ran away!".

That's how you handle a problem like that.