Ten Ways to get the Police to Notice you

1. Put on the loudest exhaust pipes physically possible. Even better, don't put a muffler on your car and run straight pipes from your exhaust manifold all the way through to the end. I guarantee people will stop and stare. If you're lucky, old people will throw shit at you while you drive on by.

2. Put the biggest, baddest wing on your car, even if it might already have a factory one. No matter, just pimp that bitch out and make sure it has the double-whale wing or the macho "all steel" erector-set type of wing. Those wings add incredible downforce at 190 mph, essential if you ever go that fast in your 1990 Honda Civic!

3. Illegally tint your car so that people can't see inside your driver windows.The best tint to get in order to attract the police is called the 5% tint. That is, 95% of all incoming light is either blocked or reflected. I think it's illegal in most states to have a tint more than 70%, but I could be wrong. Make sure you tint ALL your windows, except for the windshield, of course.

4. Paint your vehicle in really bright colors like pink, neon green, bright yellow, safety orange, and blood red. The police tend to ignore silver, blue, black, and white cars for some reason. I still don't understand why Lamborghini paint their supercars in those disgusting green colors.

5. Install the loudest, baddest stereo system you can afford, and then double that. Remove the rear seats and install a sound wall with amplifiers. Place rear video headrests and play pornographic movies on them 24x7. You'll be the envy of the low class scumbag neighborhood in no time.

6. At every section of park cars, rev the shit out of your engine in order to turn on all the car alarms. Then, as you are slowly driving away, floor it and do a quick 30 foot burnout next to them. I guarantee this will always get the police's attention!

7. Nothing says "Respect my authority" louder than carrying your own firearm in a gunrack attatched to your back window. It screams "Hey...cop...look over here, I DARE you!". Indeed. Sawdoff shotguns are the best tools to place in these babies.

8. NAMBLA stickers on your vehicle. Really, if you are looking for a quick way to die and don't care how.... I suggest you drive down to Alabama and Texas. Attach the sticker below to the front and back side of your vehicle. In case you didn't know, NAMBLA is a sick organization that believes it is legal for men to have sex with children. I know. Very disgusting pedophiles who must be strung up and tortured. The police don't like them either, so don't be surprised if you get stopped because you have this on your car.

9. Install a blow-off valve for your turbocharged car. You know that annoying pfssss-sha sound you hear when someone drives a vehicle with these annoying things? Instead of using small horns or a basic vent pipe, these idiots decided to think it was cooler to have the valve make a WHOOSH sound when you shift gears. I know, it's ridiculous.

Above: It may look cute, but it's one of the most annoying things that exist on this planet today.

10. Not quite done bodywork.Maybe the bodywork hasn't been painted yet, or there is rough fiberglass that is still around your car.... but believe me...this is a great excuse for a police officer to pull your ass over.

Does your car fit in any of the above classifications? Don't agree with me? Agree? Let me know in the comment section.