A Car More Embarassing than a Flaccid Penis

Remember the Seinfeld episode when George comes out of the swimming pool naked and Jerry's girlfriend see's him for the first time? I recall George shouting "It was COLD! Cold water causes SHRINKAGE! SHRINKAGE!!!" If you haven't seen it yet, I highly suggest you do:






But no matter. It's entirely possible to get the same result by buying this utterly useless electric car called the G-Whiz:

 For only $18,000 USD, you too can drive an entirely electric car that is completely incapable of keeping you alive during any accidents. The G-Whiz moves at an average of 19 K/m hour - staggeringly fast compared to the average driver in Nova Scotia! The range of the car is estimated at 50 miles but honestly, after just one excruciating mile you'll be begging for that gas guzzling 4-cylinder engine again. Data gathered on the average customer speed from all G-Whiz owners showed an average speed of 16 Km/hour - perfectly acceptable if you're a 80 year old senior citizen looking for an upgrade to their limited mobility cart. At least Top Gear got it right when they compared it to a radio-controlled model car:

 

And, of course, the car vs table race:

And finally, the actual crash test results. Horrific.