My Ideal Car (Found on Craigslist)

What we have here is probably the most obnoxious piece of something on craigslist. It is a 1979 Oldsmobile Cutlass Cruiser Station Wagon. Honestly, you need to be a certain type of person to handle this thing. The government will pay me $500 not to sell this thing and I figure I could probably get a couple hundred for the wheels so if you're not gonna pay me $700 for this thing, please don't email me. I'm putting it up here because if somebody else wants to get something out of it, they can. It was fun and completely ridiculous, but I simply don't need it and I would rather spend money on my other large and ridiculous vehicle.

About the lack of door keys: the guy I bought this from six months ago didn't tell me that the key he gave me didn't open the doors. I was driving it home, locked the doors and couldn't get back in. He was kind of a jerk in that sense and Jesus would have been upset with him for not telling me.

In the end it turns out that door keys for this car are completely useless. I never left anything in the car and always left the doors unlocked for the last six months in East Vancouver. Granted, I did have a club on it, but nobody is going to steal this car. It is the single most conspicuous car in the history of cars. Everyone within a ten mile radius hears you start the thing and when you're rolling down the road in it, EVERYONE has to look at it because it is so God damned loud and low and utterly ridiculous.

Since I got it, I fixed the leaky rear axle seals, realized the axles were screwed, replaced them and the brake pads in the back, and machined the drums. The car now stops, which is definitely a plus.

It is loud. Really very loud. Little girls have been standing next to the car when I turn the ignition it and have started crying. I am dead serious. It sounds like a cigar boat. You will piss off your neighbours.

The Good:

G-Body
Chevy 305 V8
B&M Ratchet Shifter
Complete Lack of Mufflers
No Cats Either (Apparently, you don't need them before '87 to Pass Aircare)
2" Exhaust from the Manifold to Behind the Rear Wheels
Corvette Headers
New Steering Box
New Rear Axles
New Rear Brakes
Iroc Rims
You Can Sleep in the Back
Explorer Bucket Seats
CD Player and Two Working Speakers
Looks Cool
Is Cool
Will Make you Cool
Loud as All Hell

The Bad:

No Keys for the Doors
Loud as ALL HELL
Rusty Fenders
Needs Suspension Pretty Bad (Honestly, don't buy it if you're not gonna put suspension in it immediately)
Slow
The Wheels are By No Means Mint
Big
A Bit of a Pig
No Horn
You Will Kick the Flasher Relay Out Fifty Times
Old

$700