What now?

The cat is lost. He doesn't know Theresa will be gone forever. I placed her t-shirt on the couch and he laid on that all day long.I was the primary caregiver for my spouse for the past 5-6 years. I would take her to the doctor, hospital, ICU visits, pharmacy meds, anything she needed, I would get or help. And now I find myself wondering "What do I do now?" Grief sucks. You can cry at random times for no reason. 

I'm going to try to use my blog to express my grief in stories and messages that I've gathered over the time I was with Theresa. She was a very special person to me, and in a moment of grief last night I had clarity and peace for 15 minutes. I had this overwhelming feeling that this was to plan, everything that happened was supposed to happen. I know Theresa loved me to bits. She told me a few weeks before she died that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. I told her that too. They say time can erase all wounds, but I think it just dulls the pain. The edges get dulled over time, but they are still there, waiting.