1 Month

Theresa wrote this back in 2012, in the summer, shortly after her mother and aunt passed away. She was going through a very tough time in her life, she lost 2 very close people. Her mother was incredibly close to her. When she wrote this her health was good but her mind was not. She never stopped saying I love you. It's been a month since she died. It feels like last night. I have unbound freedom but am a prisoner of my own walls. I have lost all fear. During the daytime, I put on a front  that hides my true emotions from co-workers. I secretly listen to her old voice messages and call my home to listen to her voice.  

I bring up an old photo from icloud when I'm in the bathroom. I close my eyes, and try to remember what her hugs felt like. I can still hear her calling me from the bathroom or living room. "Buuuuuuuub!" she would yell in a rising voice. Darkness descends once I get onto the train. When I arrive home, as soon as my foot crosses the door, I light a joint, and cry. This is as good as it gets. 
 

I read something online on reddit that resonated with me:

"Having my wife die is the worst most painful experience of my life. I used to wish I could trade places with her. I should die. She should live. But then she would be in so much pain, and grief. I love her too much to ever wish this amount of pain on her."