10 Years ago?

10 years ago I was moving apartments in Dartmouth (2009). I think we moved to Halifax in 2011.

https://www.stoneman.stream/2009/10/

My mother-in-law had a heart attack and stroke that year. Then years before that (1999) I had just started dating Theresa as we met in 1998.

Then years before that, 1988, my mom, my brother, and I had moved out of our 3-bedroom apartment and into a trailer in the SE of Winnipeg.

A year before, my dad died in 1987.

Time flies quickly. Tell your loved ones you love them. Tell them things you were waiting to put off for one day, tell them TODAY.

As I type this I am in a hotel room in kindersley Saskatchewan. On a work trip for a day to deliver 27 New computers. I drove a 2019 Chevy Tahoe and I hated it. Truthfully I only drove within Calgary. My colleague Clint took the wheel and drove. Thank god. It is a heavy lumbering truck that has a big v8 engine that drinks fuel like nobody's buisiness. I will never own another truck since that 1992 F150 piece of crap i had years ago. 

I would be lying if i said I was OK. I think about Theresa quite a bit. I found a small video of her on her old google tablet. That brought more tears. I am watching the Democratic presidential debate on CNN and thought  "Man Theresa would really love to yell at these people". I catch myself and remember. All the people that have died in the past few years has made me depressed. 

Theresa wanted me to have a life after she died. I find myself fighting guilty feelings about going out. I have to resolve this guilt in my own time. I have had a shield up for so long i no longer remember who i was before the weight of 10 tons of grief come down. I never had dating apps back in 1998. I  used business cards with my number on it. 

Tinder... bumble...hinge...okcupid.... all of that bullshit didnt exist back then. Ghosting was not known. Texting was just starting out.

Where to begin? How do you know when you are ready?