True Quotation
"It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience." - Julius Caesar
Life continues onward. I continue to hit the gym 5 days a week when possible. It is not difficult to channel grief into rage during my workout. Sometimes, in a quiet moment of clarity, there will be no grief, sorrow, or sadness. And in that very short but rare moment, the tiniest pinhole of hope appears brilliantly in the surrounding darkness. All is well. Worries disappear. There is a faint glimmer of a feeling I used to have when she was still alive.
Words from friends, family, and co-workers are encouraging. It's far too easy to fall into a pity party. I make sure to work out extra hard on those days I feel like that. On the flip side, I feel very fortunate to have a great support system. My mom has been an absolute rock when talking to her about this. She knows exactly how I feel, my step-dad passed away unexpectedly in 2005.
My friend Paul has been massively helpful. And although, yes, we did get stupidly high a few nights when he was here, the stories we chatted about were very special to me.
I once remember getting into an argument with Theresa over the phone...and she said something smart to me.... and I said something even worse... to which she said "What did you say?!" and I said "Oh, why did i stutter?" She slams the door and comes running down the hallway with a butcher knife.... "Motherfucker I will get you for that!". I run back and she cools off because she was just crazy angry. She laughed later and admitted it was a really good comeback.
You can't buy stuff to numb the pain. Drinking and drugs only work for so long but you'll eventually have to stop at some point, or die. Ignoring the pain is impossible; scents, voices, memories, pictures, anything can pop up unexpectedly. It is difficult to acknowledge but must be done. Releasing all guilt is essential. Forgiving yourself and telling yourself you did everything and then some, and that no one took better care of her than you.
I haven't cancelled the DVR recording schedules yet. I did expand the Rugby recordings. I'm rooting for Wales, as I think they will win this World Cup competition. Theresa got me watching this game 2 months before she died. She really loved sports and this was a sport we'd watch together often.
If you are struggling with grief, please visit https://old.reddit.com/r/widowers or https://old.reddit.com/r/griefsupport to get help or share stories about your loved one. They have an awesome community and each person there has dealt with their own significant loss (spouse).
Life continues onward. I continue to hit the gym 5 days a week when possible. It is not difficult to channel grief into rage during my workout. Sometimes, in a quiet moment of clarity, there will be no grief, sorrow, or sadness. And in that very short but rare moment, the tiniest pinhole of hope appears brilliantly in the surrounding darkness. All is well. Worries disappear. There is a faint glimmer of a feeling I used to have when she was still alive.
Words from friends, family, and co-workers are encouraging. It's far too easy to fall into a pity party. I make sure to work out extra hard on those days I feel like that. On the flip side, I feel very fortunate to have a great support system. My mom has been an absolute rock when talking to her about this. She knows exactly how I feel, my step-dad passed away unexpectedly in 2005.
My friend Paul has been massively helpful. And although, yes, we did get stupidly high a few nights when he was here, the stories we chatted about were very special to me.
I once remember getting into an argument with Theresa over the phone...and she said something smart to me.... and I said something even worse... to which she said "What did you say?!" and I said "Oh, why did i stutter?" She slams the door and comes running down the hallway with a butcher knife.... "Motherfucker I will get you for that!". I run back and she cools off because she was just crazy angry. She laughed later and admitted it was a really good comeback.
You can't buy stuff to numb the pain. Drinking and drugs only work for so long but you'll eventually have to stop at some point, or die. Ignoring the pain is impossible; scents, voices, memories, pictures, anything can pop up unexpectedly. It is difficult to acknowledge but must be done. Releasing all guilt is essential. Forgiving yourself and telling yourself you did everything and then some, and that no one took better care of her than you.
I haven't cancelled the DVR recording schedules yet. I did expand the Rugby recordings. I'm rooting for Wales, as I think they will win this World Cup competition. Theresa got me watching this game 2 months before she died. She really loved sports and this was a sport we'd watch together often.
If you are struggling with grief, please visit https://old.reddit.com/r/widowers or https://old.reddit.com/r/griefsupport to get help or share stories about your loved one. They have an awesome community and each person there has dealt with their own significant loss (spouse).
You are not alone
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