Vacation
Paul arrived on the 20th and we spent many good days talking about Theresa and our history together. He cried when he came into the apartment; I'll admit I joined him. It was a sad moment, because he had visited us this past February and stayed a few days.(Paul is below)
We went to some restaurants, had Dim Sum, ate pizza, ordered lots from Skip the dishes. He cooked a few dishes but I insisted he wouldn't lift a finger when he was here. We watched Rugby together and exchanged stories about Theresa.
When he left it made the vacuum at home even larger. I couldn't shout to Paul and ask him if he wanted any food or stuff. Just the echo of silence. I made it a goal to get myself out into the dating pool on my birthday, but I'll be honest, I don't know if I can do it.
Right now my goal is just to tidy up specific small areas of the apartment. So far I've made progress on the clean clothes pile. Folding and sorting kind of go out the window when you have your heart ripped out of your chest.
I found I have inherited literally every family photo that existed from her mother and her. I'll catalog the photos and digitize them so they are in the cloud. Going through those photo albums is difficult. I had to put them aside, looking back I realized how beautiful she really was.
In a way it made me love her more. Last month she tearfully asked if I would take care of the kitty if anything happened to her. I was shocked by her question - of course I would. I gave her a hug and scolded her for asking. It bothered me so much the next day I asked her why she asked me that. "Well, I needed confirmation, not that I wouldn't believe you would take care of him, but I just needed to hear it". I understood. Each day I would write her a little note, and if I ever missed that (or left without actually talking to her) - she would get very upset. The notes were simple, usually variants of "Hey bub, I'll call you at noon, hope you feel better, love xox " or "Hey bub I fed the kitty, xox "
I found an old card from the funeral home that took care of my mother-in-law, Marion Boutilier who past away on March 28, 2012. It is written with Theresa's hand writing, and the note she left shook me because now I understand how she feels.
We went to some restaurants, had Dim Sum, ate pizza, ordered lots from Skip the dishes. He cooked a few dishes but I insisted he wouldn't lift a finger when he was here. We watched Rugby together and exchanged stories about Theresa.
When he left it made the vacuum at home even larger. I couldn't shout to Paul and ask him if he wanted any food or stuff. Just the echo of silence. I made it a goal to get myself out into the dating pool on my birthday, but I'll be honest, I don't know if I can do it.
Right now my goal is just to tidy up specific small areas of the apartment. So far I've made progress on the clean clothes pile. Folding and sorting kind of go out the window when you have your heart ripped out of your chest.
I found I have inherited literally every family photo that existed from her mother and her. I'll catalog the photos and digitize them so they are in the cloud. Going through those photo albums is difficult. I had to put them aside, looking back I realized how beautiful she really was.
In a way it made me love her more. Last month she tearfully asked if I would take care of the kitty if anything happened to her. I was shocked by her question - of course I would. I gave her a hug and scolded her for asking. It bothered me so much the next day I asked her why she asked me that. "Well, I needed confirmation, not that I wouldn't believe you would take care of him, but I just needed to hear it". I understood. Each day I would write her a little note, and if I ever missed that (or left without actually talking to her) - she would get very upset. The notes were simple, usually variants of "Hey bub, I'll call you at noon, hope you feel better, love xox " or "Hey bub I fed the kitty, xox "
I found an old card from the funeral home that took care of my mother-in-law, Marion Boutilier who past away on March 28, 2012. It is written with Theresa's hand writing, and the note she left shook me because now I understand how she feels.
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