Christmas Outings

Today was a Christmas lunch for one of the departments. As tradition, people are encouraged to wear tacky Christmas outfits and buy a gift worth no more than $25. To be honest, I shopped at the dollar store and bought a lot of things I would have bought for Theresa had she been alive. The gloves, wooly socks, nail kit, and misc other items filled it out nicely. I somehow managed to snag a Moscow Mule kit (with 2 copper mugs). I'll likely give it away next week because I don't really drink that much to use it.

I phoned up the cemetery in Dartmouth, NS and picked out the headstone and lettering. I'll mail the bank draft tomorrow, I think Theresa would have liked what I picked out. A co-worker asked if I had friends I could hang out with this Christmas. It's easier to lie than admit the actual truth. Theresa and I never had many close friends.


A dim memory of happy Christmas pasts are now my reality. I revisit back to what she would have wanted for me. Resolving grief and being happy are two entirely different things. I still remember shopping at 4AM with Theresa back in 2006 or 2007, at Walmart, miserable, but alive. We would joke that was the worst pre-Christmas shopping we ever did.

And now I yearn for those days.