There is no moving backwards
You're up against the wall, both figuratively and literally. There is no going back. God knows I would go back if I could, if only for a moment. But time moves on. Except for when I close my eyes and remember the times.
In 2011, we moved to Halifax and shared a 3 bedroom apartment. It was the most beautiful apartment I had ever been in my entire life. We even had in-suite laundry and a goddamn dish washing machine. Holy fucking shit. But back then.... September 2011, it was bad for Marion. She had started showing symptoms of Lewy Body Dementia. It was very tough on Theresa and I.
She would wake up at 2AM and put a cup of coffee in the microwave for a few minutes...without water. She thought it was 7AM. I remember Theresa, desperate after having no sleep for 3 days straight, screamed "Shut up!" at her mother. It was terrible We eventually ended up calling an ambulance and having her checked out.
While in the hospital it was determined that she was in early stages of dementia, and it was quite early for her age (65) but not unheard of. Theresa and her were very close.
In this photo, Theresa is actually half asleep. I'm going to share a secret that nobody should be ashamed of. Theresa had problems with prescription medications from time to time. One of the medications that Marion took, was a very powerful pain killer. When you combine a pain killer with a benzo such as Zopiclone, it creates a euphoric feeling and also puts you "out there". Your eyes close, you're half away...sometimes you might drop things...
I took this photo because I wanted Theresa to see what she looked like when this happens. She didn't like it. I would yell at her "Wake up!" and her eyes would pop open and say "I'm not asleep! I'm just...." and then she drifts off asleep again. Theresa's disease had not progressed yet.
That would not happen until 2013. And it was a year for her when her mother died, she tried to commit suicide by drug overdose. I called the ambulance and they took her in. She was admitted to Ward 45 in the Rockyview Hospital. She stayed there for 7 days, and was placed home again.
They changed her antidepressants and gave her a sleeping medication that was non-addictive (although it can be - Mertazapine). But you know what? Her drug issues went away in 2013, and by 2014, she was really just fighting her lung disease.We became homebodies; going out seemed strange now.
But back when we were dating in 1998-2008, we really went out every weekend. She loved to go out.
Grief can do that to you. It can chain you down and tie you up better than any known lock made. Some times that lock will pop open for a quick moment, and a tiny bit of chain will move through before a memory of her snaps it back tight.
2 weeks before she past away, she had a large amount of unused medications because she was keeping a schedule of her use and noting it on a piece of paper.Without these medications it would make her life impossible due to the pain she was at. It was not a great life for her near the end. It was difficult to watch her suffer. She didn't want to go to the hospital because she knew she would not be coming home. She was that ill.
In 2011, we moved to Halifax and shared a 3 bedroom apartment. It was the most beautiful apartment I had ever been in my entire life. We even had in-suite laundry and a goddamn dish washing machine. Holy fucking shit. But back then.... September 2011, it was bad for Marion. She had started showing symptoms of Lewy Body Dementia. It was very tough on Theresa and I.
She would wake up at 2AM and put a cup of coffee in the microwave for a few minutes...without water. She thought it was 7AM. I remember Theresa, desperate after having no sleep for 3 days straight, screamed "Shut up!" at her mother. It was terrible We eventually ended up calling an ambulance and having her checked out.
While in the hospital it was determined that she was in early stages of dementia, and it was quite early for her age (65) but not unheard of. Theresa and her were very close.
I took this photo because I wanted Theresa to see what she looked like when this happens. She didn't like it. I would yell at her "Wake up!" and her eyes would pop open and say "I'm not asleep! I'm just...." and then she drifts off asleep again. Theresa's disease had not progressed yet.
That would not happen until 2013. And it was a year for her when her mother died, she tried to commit suicide by drug overdose. I called the ambulance and they took her in. She was admitted to Ward 45 in the Rockyview Hospital. She stayed there for 7 days, and was placed home again.
They changed her antidepressants and gave her a sleeping medication that was non-addictive (although it can be - Mertazapine). But you know what? Her drug issues went away in 2013, and by 2014, she was really just fighting her lung disease.We became homebodies; going out seemed strange now.
But back when we were dating in 1998-2008, we really went out every weekend. She loved to go out.
Grief can do that to you. It can chain you down and tie you up better than any known lock made. Some times that lock will pop open for a quick moment, and a tiny bit of chain will move through before a memory of her snaps it back tight.
2 weeks before she past away, she had a large amount of unused medications because she was keeping a schedule of her use and noting it on a piece of paper.Without these medications it would make her life impossible due to the pain she was at. It was not a great life for her near the end. It was difficult to watch her suffer. She didn't want to go to the hospital because she knew she would not be coming home. She was that ill.
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