6 Months Ago, Theresa My Beloved Wife Past Away

Has it been 6 months on Monday? Really? There is no moving on. Her death has permanently etched into me a large piece that is gone. Her cackly laughter, her cheering at the TV, razor sharp wit, her deep compassion and love... all treasures I miss.

I have cried and continue to cry for her. When I went over to my friend Donovin's place today, seeing him with his fiance reminded me of Theresa and I 20 years ago. We had just decided to go back to the east where her family was.

He is doing the same thing, leaving on the 20th of March. I remember all the times we had together, the struggles, the joy and pain.

And now, I find myself searching in the darkness for something. I do not even know who I am anymore. She was so integrated into my life that when she disappeared I had lost a big part of me.

I am so grateful Donovin invited me over to dinner. It is rare to keep in touch with people you have known in the past. I still live in the apartment she shared with me. Her jewellery case and hanger are still on the wall in the bathroom.

One day I'll take it down. I haven't really thought about where to move. I write often in a widowers forum which seems to help. At least, it seems to be doing something.

I signed up for Tinder but didn't finish the registration. What do you write? An old man looks to grasp at something shiny and new? No. That is not what I am looking for. But to be honest, I have no idea what I am looking for.