June 2020 and Pandemic

My life has not changed much. I am fortunate to have a job during this pandemic. Thankfully no one in my family in Manitoba have contracted COVID-19. Although, out of my entire family, I worry about my mother as she is 69 now.



Alberta is doing good for infection counts. We have been flattening the curve like crazy. I hope Quebec and Ontario can get this under control soon.  It has been exceptionally hard to work continuously from home. Surrounded by memories, uncovering old cards and notes from 20 years ago. Old family heirlooms I have inherited. I'll digitize them one day this year.

I hadn't been myself in a very long time. I lack the drive and ambition I once had. I have a very low view on the world. So I went to the doctor. When you lose a spouse, its not uncommon for one to become clinically depressed.

Being depressed is different from being just down a day or two. It is long lasting, and you never see joy anywhere, at any time. It becomes a distant memory. Rage or anger, can appear. I close my eyes, and I vividly remember that feeling of joy. But it vanishes instantly when they open.

It is not easy to talk about these things. Especially now with the intense isolation and fear in the air. People are not nice anymore; everyone is on edge.

And it wears on you. I'm hopeful with treatment I can get out of this. I know Theresa would want me to do that. I think about her every day. Every hour.

I miss her.

My beloved Theresa, August 1999, Halifax Public Gardens