I Seriously Fucked Up (Just look at the crater!)

 

Just like the massive crater above, I succeeded in screwing up a friendship that could have developed into something more.

I'm sharing this because I have no outlet really to tell anyone. I purchased some items for valentines day and gave some a gift to a woman I thought I was close to.

For months, she had been very flirty with me, escalating last week to the point where she was actually using sexual innuendos about sex with me.

Like a hungry dog I jumped at the scraps of attention. Gave no heed to what might happen should I do this. All very predictable: The girl ignored me, and won't return my phone call.

And now I am left wondering how I could have misread the situation so badly. To get by this I will eventually have to apologize to her, and try to scrape something up. But I know that friendship is completely gone now.

The only good that came out of this? But at least I know where I stand with this person. There will be no more guessing about what her motives were. Yes, I should have never contacted her with the valentines gifts. But something was stirring in me, and I now see I was clouded by emotion. 

From her point of view, this guy appears out of no where with a valentines day card and gifts. It must have been a gigantic shock. But now is the time to move on from this.

After I apologize, I will refocus my attention on areas that require my focus. While the banter and chatting & games were fun with her, I do not see a point of continuing anything. 

But here's how I think it would have went down had I NOT done anything:

- She would have continued to flirt with me, possibly escalating more, but going nowhere

- She would never commit to a relationship, this was for validation

- The level of confusion and turmoil would increase

I wish I had the wisdom to know what to do in this situation. But really, all you can do is nothing. I laid down my hands and showed her the cards. There is nothing left to do but move on, and likely apologize later. 

I have to re-evaluate how I determine when someone is REALLY showing interest in me. A critical check was missed, I fucked up, and now I am left wondering. When I dated Theresa it was much easier back then.

In-person interaction was quick, and she seemed to know what she wanted immediately. But they say somethings happen for a reason, and I think the universe has someone else in mind for me. These key steps in my life happened for a reason. I will learn from it and move forward, hoping for a better outcome.

My advice for anyone thinking about telling their friend your romantic feelings for them? DON'T. It will destroy the friendship and place barriers between them forever. It is no fault of either person, I honestly got my signal interpretation wrong. 

Well, at least I tried.