"I need a reference check"

 

That dreaded sentence. How awful it is. Especially when you reach out to people you used to work with in the past. And now, I do appreciate a reference check when it's done. So I reach out to a few people I know. I need this job, and can't begin working without it. I leave a voice message and send an e-mail. A few hours later, I get him on the phone. I'm relieved but on guard.

One man I knew for years will vouch for me. Wonderful. "Oh, by the way, so-and-so is worried about you. Can I tell him you're OK?". I wanted to stab him in the eyes when he said that. You see, this person was responsible for abducting me in a pickup truck last October. And this motherfucker stole my wallet and keys, and I was forced against my will to ride with this prick. Well guess what. There'll be a knockout punch if I ever see that motherfucker again in my life. Just watch if he steps up to me. And I mean that.

These small dick motherfuckers will know what time it is.

And I've been in fights.

And it's pretty bad when you get flirty texts from men, when all you want is a decent reference check. It makes me sick to my stomach. I get angry and want to murder. But I won't.

These people think they are powerful. Well, let me tell you something about power: They have none and never will over me. 

My life is so tainted with awful people, specifically men, and they use sexual words with me. I don't think so. I demand respect. Half the goddamn people I speak with don't even have balls. Quite literally.

And you know? When people say things and do nothing, I take notice. I remember. This is no fool. And don't ever think you can use me as a reference check. Time costs nothing.

And that awful day in September 2019, when Theresa died? I got that. I have climbed that mountain of grief successfully. I have taken that love I have with Theresa and bring it with me.

Those other people?

To hell with them.

Chris