I Feel Like A Shadow

 

This Christmas was like any ordinary day. I no longer lunge for sales deals or discounts.

All people lust for money, positions, and power. And I don't want any of it.

This year has been rough. I'm grateful to be working again, and God knows I need to keep a job. I have hope.

I was reading an old post from October 2019, and a few lines sent chills down my back. 'Darkness descends once I enter the c-train for work.' and 'She wrote me a note in 2012, here it is.' followed by tears.

My friends are non-existent. I have no regrets, they were terrible assholes anyway. Same with my so-called ex-'Family'. In truth, I was used for money for decades. No more.

My attention span is limited but expensive. I demand respect and if you don't see fit to treat me like I treat you (respectfully), then I'm gone - forever.

I'm just shocked it took me literally 52 years to figure out how awful my family truly is. I'm really better off never speaking to these people ever again. It's something to think about when your mother laughs after your wife passes away. I hope she burns in hell, along with my useless, money-leeching ex-brother.

I want to believe there is a nice woman out there for me - somewhere. I sit and remember what a hug felt like. Such a distant memory to me. People are cold and ruthless. 

The painful memories of loss are abundant, but I manage fine. Crying won't bring her back, that's for sure. These people who I called my friends and past co-workers really never gave a fuck at all about me. 

And I'm better for it.

Chris